Shetland: He's got a dream about buying some land...

..He's gonna give up the booze and one-night stands.

It might come as something of a relief that today's chosen lyrics are not connected with me (though I do fancy a bit of land). In fact, the only connection with our trip is that they feature in one of the tunes which has accompanied us as we've been driving around. And what a tune it is. I wonder if someone with too much time on their hands can tell me which 70's classic I am referring to.

So, 5 days in Shetland. Aside from visiting random relatives, what have I been up to?

We spent a day exploring the north and west parts of the Shetland Mainland, which really does boast some stunning scenery. After the fog which dominated our first 24 hours or so, the weather cleared and we enjoyed hot sunshine. The weather was good enough in fact to enjoy spending time on one of the picturesque beaches, with its expanse of unspoiled sand and crystal clear waters. The water was so inviting that I donned my swimming shorts (not speedos, I hasten to add) and went for a bit of a swim. To say that it was not warm was an understatement (by the time I was in up to my waist I could have joined the alto section of the choir) but I was not the only one brave/stupid enough to take to the water and I very much enjoyed it. 'Refreshing'.

Our day in this part of the mainland also included a trip to Grobsness - a remote coastal settlement in which there is now only one occupied house - where we located the remains of the small dwelling in which my grandmother was born all those years ago. It was a bit of a mission, and was a very special moment when we found it.

By far and away the most beautiful settlement we visited was Voe, where we visited the local shop (as ever in these parts, quite a novelty) and procured some Shetland Bannachs. A bit like scones they were very tasty and went down well as we munched them sat on the harbour wall.

One of the funny things about Shetland is the extremely poor quality of the postcards which are generally available. Voe is a good example of this, with the only postcard I found shunning the attractive lower harbour for a photo of a generic war memorial on the bleak hillside above. Needless to say, I resisted the temptation to buy one.

Our day on the mainland ended up at the remote Croft/B&B mentioned in one of my previous posts. It was ocated on a peninsula miles from civilsation save for an antiques business at the end of the road, (how it gets any trade is beyond me), and a sinister looking B&B further south, and is certainly worthy of a mention here. Mein hostess agreed to put the three of us up (though the room was humourously cramped as a result, and I had to sleep on the floor) and she went out of her way to ensure a comfortable stay for us. She washed and dried my frankly rancid walking socks, ensured that the nearest pub would serve us an evening meal, booked our ferry to the northern isles and cooked us a delicious breakfast, Mmmm.

The use of the term 'nearest' when describing the pub in which we dined is a bit of a misnomer, as it was a good 10 or 12 miles away in Brae. Brae is one of the larger settlements on the map, but turned out to be disappointingly souless with no character and a fairly ugly waterfront. It did boast an impressive leisure centre though, and Skittles nearly burst with excitement when he saw that it had an Astro Turf pitch. Dinner at the Mid Brae Inn was delicious, and I enjoyed a sizeable portion of Shetland Lamb.

The next day we ventured north, crossing the island of Yell, which to be honest was quite bland. The title of 'second most northerly of the UK's inhabited islands' just doesn't quite cut it, and the scenery was less dramatic than the mainland. It did however boast some gorgeous beaches, and we enjoyed lunch on one, again in the hot sunshine. Unfortunately we didn't see any of the elusive otters said to inhabit the island.

After crossing Yell we ended up on Unst. The UK's most northerly inhabited island. Now that's more like it. Despite a population of just 600, it has a lot to offer. The main settlement has Britain's most northerly Post Office (and quite a large shop - by Shetland standards at least), and on the same theme Britain's most northerly church was to be found a little bit further up. Not much to look at from the outside, it was well worth a visit, as the inside was particularly striking. Unst was where we also found the famous bus shelter complete with sofa and TV. Very cool. It even has a visitor's book...

Hermeness Nature Reserve occupies the northern most point of the island, and a trek across it leads to Muckle Flugga. Funky name, funky place; the lighthouse just offshore is the most northerly point of the British Isles. Our first attempt to get there was thwarted by the mist which rolled in, and though we once again enjoyed seeing some puffins it was disappointing to have to turn back. Happily the weather the next morning was better, and I am proud to say that we made it.

Overnight in Unst was spent at the very comfortable Youth Hostel, which made for a very sociable evening. Digressing slightly, two of us had made the most of being so far from civilisation and people we knew to have an informal facial hair competition, and with hindsight it was not wise to have 'styled' my beard without proper use of a mirror that morning. I don't think it looked too bad, and nobody commented; it's just that it hadn't occured to me that we might actually meet people that evening when I had made use of the razor blade (or not as the case may be).

The people at the Youth Hostel were great. The conversations included the usual "when I was in Zimbabwe waterskiing in a lake full of crocodiles..." anecdotes, but we had good fun, gained some local insights and met a Swedish guy who looked like McBain (The Simpsons) and tracked wolves for a living.

One of the guys was visiting for the Unst Thrash ("Britain's northern most track day"). Quality name, quality event - apparently. We didn't specifically look for it, but it was advertised as just being 'on Unst' and though our travels took us across the entire island and through all the main settlements there wasn't even so much as a sign for it. The only evidence was the plethora of chavved-up cars, with some drivers looking ever so slightly lost.

Tempted though we were by a bit of thrash,we ventured south. After some shopping in Lerwick we checked in at a B&B, enjoyed a quality meal in Spiggie, climbed Noss Hill with its eerie military ruins and made it to Sumburgh lighthouse. Northern most tip to southern most tip of the Shetlands in a day. And some more puffins. Nice.

And so after an early start we wound up at the airport, which is where I wrote my last post and began this one. As I wrap up this epic I am still travelling home, now on the final leg (the train from Gatwick). Ladies and gentlemen, I wound up on the boat. To be fair, it was comfortable, we got free meals, the transfers worked, and today's BA flight was excellent. I even qualified for entry in to the BA Lounge at Aberdeen, complete with comfy chairs, newspapers, free tea/coffee/croissants/cereal/soft drinks and booze should I have wanted it at 9am. Mmmmm.

I wonder if being almost 24hrs behind schedule still counts as fashionably late?